notes on the june

-that new coldplay album sounds really really really bad :(
-did the carter III come out yet? if so, i will buy it.
-i didnt join the downtown YMCA yesterday because a) there was a wreck in front of the building and b) where in the fuck am i supposed to park?!?!
-i am the wii fit soccerball headbutting champion of the universe that is my apartment.
-new meds are making me not depressed but extremely cynical and irritable. i almost would rather be depressed because i am not nearly as mean to people when i am that way. i dont like being mean!
-people at my work- stop having birthdays!!! having upwards of three sheetcakes in the breakroom is more than i can handle!! dfsdhgdskhbglkjsdf
-i like watching intervention because it makes my life look so awesome
-also, when i watch intervention- i notice that it seems like almost everyone with a drug addiction on there is stuck in some sort of extended adolescence. all of them act like unruly teenagers- slamming doors and saying stuff like "its non of your business" and "this isnt fair!", etc.
its like i am watching myself when i was 13- minus the whole crack addiction thing.

-apparently, biscuit the cat has caught the seperation anxiety bug from buffy. every time i leave the apartment (even if bastian is still there) biscuit will meow constantly this sad sad repetitive meow for upwards of half an hour (or so bastian says). now she's started doing this if she sees me get up to use the restroom at night- and i get back in bed. she will start the meowing until i grab her and bring her to bed with me. p.s. she is not a kitten. she is a grownup kitteh and is spoiled rotten.


-i am having a really hard time with leaving the house- or interacting with people other than bastian.
i am back in that whole "i cant relate to anyone" realm.
i am also dealing with past betrayals that i havent really dealt with- ive just kindof moved past without actually taking inventory of it.
and i wonder- i think about how i have not done a single thing to even remotely qualify as betrayal or done anything at all that would qualify as detrimental- and yet i've put up with several things- besides the epic betrayal that snowballed in to several avenues of deception....
and it makes me think- how is it so hard NOT to betray or deceive or screw your friends over?
i mean if i haven't done it yet- its hard for me to understand why its been done to me several times by several different people....
is it asking too much for your friends to be honest and not do shit that will hurt you?
i understand that nobody is perfect. i sure as fuck don't think i am perfect by any means-
its hard for me to think that maybe my standards are too high....
especially since i am living up to said standards.
i just have a hard time trusting people as it is-.
and when crap like this happens- it just makes it that much harder to trust people.

bah!