and all of the issues pushed to the back of the mind for functionality purposes all float back
to the forefront of thought like an air bubble in the snowglobe that is my head.
depending on how dedicated i have been to my prescription regiment-
some nights are more racing thoughts-
some are more apathetic to the looming stressors-
and some nights are more entrenched in the permanency of death.
the latter was last night's common theme-
pertaining to memorial day weekend coming up and how a return to blanco, texas without brandon
will be nearly as bad as the night i learned of his death- or even the funeral itself.
then i think about perhaps the reason why i am so open to moving away to germany now-is simply because i want to leave what is familiar.
its hard still living through what is familiar to me without someone that i am reminded of constantly by my surroundings.
i feel like i should leave everything how it is- as nostalgia of a life forever altered- and leave to begin the next phase of my life.
this summer i felt like maybe things really do happen for a reason.
i met someone and literally within 5 minutes of meeting him-there was some sort of magnetic pull- a chemical reaction in my brain saying "HEYYYYYYYYYYY NOW"
i have no idea why- none of it made sense logically - and practically every detour was in my way
but for some reason i ended up with him- and being with him is the most effortless thing.
its second-nature. like breathing.
it made sense. the planets aligned. i was at peace?!
...then senseless death. and now nothing seems orderly-
it all seems so random and chaotic.
-----
weekend recap:
-la strada (best restaurant in montrose, for real!)
-collina's and heights shopping with tiffany and angela (way overdue)
-buffy's grooming appt! (she looks freakin cute)
-traded in the big blue truck to my dad again for my car
-took mom grocery shopping and to taco cabana
-football laziness and embroidering
-half price books... i bought:
----art as experience by john dewey
----fates worse than death by kurt vonnegut
----real simple magazine
----some typography books for b
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