my sister called me at 430 on friday to inform me that i needed to stay the night at my mom's house on friday and saturday night.
wtf? i felt like a jerk having to say "well ive already made plans". but then i realized that my sister said she'd be back in a couple of weeks-
(she said this on december 27th)- and she has yet to make an appearance in 2008.
i went to my mom's house on sunday and spent all day with her- but i still feel like a jerk for not spending more time with my mom lately.
and i shouldnt feel like a jerk.
ive been around 100x more than my sister has.
it feels like anything i can realistically do still doesnt feel like enough for a mom who has had a stroke.
worst of all, i think my mom's personality has changed a degree or two.
post-stroke mom is a shade different.
plus, i can detect the sadness in her demeanor.
b and i have been discussing a move to germany (not in the near future but close enough)
but- what about my mom? should i scrap all plans to leave for europe to stay near her?
im not even sure what the right thing is to do.
whatever decision i make, ill still feel guilty to some degree.
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the toxicology report on brandon has come back-
and apparently no drugs or alcohol were found in his system-
except for a small dose of xanax.
the autopsy report was inconclusive but my aunt called the medical examiner to ask why a 20 year old would just die for no reason-
and the the med. examiner said she though that his heart probably just stopped- but she had no way of proving it.
my aunt then asked if energy drinks could have had something to do with it- and surprisingly the med. examiner said absolutely.
brandon apparently drank energy drinks pretty regularly- and the amount of strain on your heart can have an affect on the effects of a xanax (which will slow your heart down).
michelle mentioned how a meth head's heart could stop by taking a "downer". perhaps this is the same situation- but with energy drinks and xanax.
i guess we'll never actually know the truth.
i really wanted some closure on the reason why he died- maybe it would put some blame on something that brandon did himself- or something to that affect- but now its even more glaringly obvious that he just should not have died. plain and simple.
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i totally want these:
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p.s. cuban and drew are having a pajama party on valentines day.
4 comments:
i like reading your blog. <3
michaela
Amanda, I just read your report about Brandon. It seems to infer he could have been a"meth head"
ref: the comment from Michelle"perhaps this is the same situation"
The Med. examiner said "BRANDON DID NOTHING TO CAUSE HIS DEATH,CAFFINE AND XANAX INCLUDED" Please be more careful about posting family business on the internet.
i dont know who you are- please identify yourself.
also i never said he was a methhead. i didnt even insinuate it. what it comes down to is caffeine being a stimulant and having stress on the heart- (meth does the same thing to a persons' heart)
this is my personal blog. if you have a problem with any information i am giving on here- please confront me about it face to face.
i am still trying to make sense of what has happened- and im allowed to speculate.
let me know who you are.
i dont know who you are- please identify yourself.
also i never said he was a methhead. i didnt even insinuate it. what it comes down to is caffeine being a stimulant and having stress on the heart- (meth does the same thing to a persons' heart)
this is my personal blog. if you have a problem with any information i am giving on here- please confront me about it face to face.
i am still trying to make sense of what has happened- and im allowed to speculate.
let me know who you are.
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