to be continued

i actually have a lot of things to say/write-
but they arent going to make it to this particular online log of thoughts.

i think that i have realized how much i have been straight up ignoring the events that have transpired in the last year.
-my roommate broke our lease and left me with less than 2 weeks to find a new place to live+move
-death of hunter
-a period of unemployment and the start of a new office job
-god plays a cruel cruel joke on me- in regards to the love of my life
-death of brandon
-towhee disappears to another state (still there)
-mom has a stroke
-christmas in hospital
-my best friend betrays my trust (twice)
-panic attacks return.


i am very thankful for what i have.
but i need to acknowledge that i am definitely not dealing with things
the medicine change allowed all of that toxic stuff to surface... and i cant really escape it anymore
without a pill to up the apathy and kill the emotion.



i think i might try to solve things.
this time, without medication to push everything down into the depths of my mind.
wish me luck?

oh here's a picture: